4 signs you lack emotional intelligence

In my 10 years as an executive coach, I have never had someone raise his hand and declare that he needs to work on his emotional intelligence.

Yet I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard from people that the one thing their colleague needs to work on is emotional intelligence.

This is the problem: Those who most need to develop it are the ones who least realize it.

The data showing that emotional intelligence is a key differentiator between star performers and the rest of the pack is irrefutable.

Nevertheless, there are some who never embrace the skill for themselves — or who wait until it’s too late.

Take Craig (not his real name), a coaching client of mine, who showed tremendous potential and a strong ability to drive results for his company. The issue with Craig was the way in which he got those results.

When asked to describe him, his colleagues would say things like: “he’s a bull in a china shop;” “he has sharp elbows;” and “he leaves dead bodies in his path.”

His approach to executing projects was not sustainable as he wasn’t able to motivate, attract and retain good talent. His direct reports pointed out how frequently Craig seemed oblivious to how he demeaned others. His boss commented on Craig’s impatience and his propensity to lash out at his peers.

When I shared this feedback with Craig, he seemed taken aback and was convinced that I had heard wrong. He didn’t have the self-awareness or empathy that are hallmarks of emotional intelligence.

Here are some of the telltale signs that you need to work on your emotional intelligence:

  • You often feel like others don’t get the point and it makes you impatient and frustrated.
  • You’re surprised when others are sensitive to your comments or jokes and you think they’re overreacting.
  • You think being liked at work is overrated.
  • You weigh in early with your assertions and defend them with rigor.
  • You hold others to the same high expectations you hold for yourself.
  • You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team.
  • You find it annoying when others expect you to know how they feel.

So what do you do if you recognized yourself in this list? Here are four strategies:

1. Get feedback.

You can’t work on a problem you don’t understand. A critical component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness — this is the ability to recognize and stay cognizant of behaviors in the moment.

Whether you engage in a 360 assessment or simply ask a few people what they observe, this step is critical in heightening your sense of what you do or don’t do. And don’t just find excuses for your behavior. That defeats the purpose.

Rather, listen to the feedback, try to understand it, and own it. When Craig initially heard what others thought of him, he quickly became defensive. But when he accepted the feedback, he moved to owning it and became determined to change.

mind the gapFlickr/christopher_brown

2. Beware of the gap between intent and impact.

Those with weak emotional intelligence often underestimate what a negative impact their words and actions have on others. They ignore the gap between what they mean to say and what others actually hear.

Here are some common examples of what those with low emotional intelligence may say and how it’s actually heard:

What you say: “At the end of the day, it’s all about getting the work done.”

What others hear: “All I care about is the results and if some are offended along the way, so be it.”

What you say: “If I can understand it, anyone can.”

What others hear: “You’re not smart enough to get this.”

What you say: “I don’t see what the big deal is.”

What others hear: “I don’t really care how you feel.”

Regardless of what you intend to mean, think about how your words are going to impact others and whether that’s how you want to them to feel. Craig was notorious for saying things that made others bristle, but he began to consider the impact of his words.

Before every meeting, he spent a few minutes asking himself: What is the impression I want to make? How do I want people to feel about me at the end? How do I need to frame my message to reach that objective?

3. Press the pause button.

Having high emotional intelligence means making choices about how you respond to situations, rather than having a knee-jerk reaction. For example, Craig tended to interrupt and shoot down other people’s ideas before they could complete their thoughts.

This behavior was a reaction to his fear of losing control of the discussion and wasting time. So he started to take pauses before reacting. There are two important pauses to take:

Pause to listen to yourself. When Craig was getting impatient and frustrated in discussions, he often felt his jaw clench and his chest tighten. By recognizing these physical signs, he was able to pause and remind himself that he feared losing control. As a result, Craig was better able to determine how he wanted to respond, rather than relying on his default of lashing out.

Pause to listen to others. Listening means helping others feel like you’ve understood them (even if you don’t agree with them). It’s not the same as not saying anything. It’s simply giving others a chance to convey their ideas before you jump in.

men's shoesGetty Images / Levent Kulu

4. Wear both shoes.

People often suggest you “put yourself in the other person’s shoes” to develop empathy, a key component of emotional intelligence, but you shouldn’t dismiss how you feel. You need to wear both shoes — understanding both your agenda and theirs and seeing any situation from both sides.

Craig shifted his approach from “Here are my concerns” to “These are my issues, and I hear your concerns. Let’s determine a way forward that takes both into consideration.”

Strengthening your emotional intelligence takes commitment, discipline, and a genuine belief in its value. With time and practice, though, you’ll find that the results you achieve far outweigh the effort it took to get there.

Read the original article on Harvard Business Review. Copyright 2015.

Read more: https://hbr.org/2014/12/signs-that-you-lack-emotional-intelligence#ixzz3ajLzOQUX

60yr old fake pastor arrested with hard drugs worth N609m at Lagos airport

A 60 year old resident pastor of the Eternal Sacred Order of Cherubim and Seraphim at Agodo-Egbe, Ikotun Lagos, Prophet Micheal Raji, has been arrested by officials of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency NDLEA over unlawful attempt to export of 174 kilogrammes of hard narcotic drugs worth N609 million to South Africa.

Prophet Raji, believed to be a member of a drug trafficking syndicate, concealed 91kg of Methamphetamine and 83kg of Ephedrine with an estimated street value of N609 million in different foodstuffs tied in polythene bags.

According to Vanguard, Prophet Michael Raji was arrested with the drug at the cargo section of the Murtala Muhammed International Airport (MMIA) during pre-shipment examination.

A statement by NDLEA says he was found with three international passports bearing his name with his picture

“Preliminary investigation has indicated that the 60 year old suspect Michael Raji is a top member of a drug syndicate operating in Nigeria, Ghana and South Africa. The pastor had three international passports bearing his photographs. One of the passports bears the name Michael Raji while the other two bear the name Kadigun Fatah Ola. It was equally discovered that the church premises where he ministers also serves as a warehouse for narcotics,” NDLEA said. Speaking on his arrest, the NDLEA commander at the Lagos Airport, Mr. Hamza Umar said “I can tell you that this suspect is a smooth operator but we have uncovered his bag of tricks. The drugs were brought to the airport for export to South Africa where it was detected. Investigation eventually traced the movement of the drugs to his church premises where he was arrested,” Hamza stated.

Deadly Bagger Confraternity, Cult Members Including Females Arrested In Enugu

female cultist

A notorious and deadly cultist who have been terrorising good people of Ibagwa Nike of Abakpa and its environs identified as Abuchi Ngwu Matthew A.K.A GOVERNMENT and the leader of JVC Cult group of BAGGER CONFRATERNITY have been nabbed by the eagle eyed

operatives of

the Special Anti Robbery Squad of the Enugu state police command on 17/5/15.

He was arrested based on tip off received by the operatives that himself and other members of the gang were taking refuge in an uncompleted building at IbagwaNike from where they were planning on how to go on their unlawful execution of their victim whom they have earmarked to wreak havoc on.

Some of the arrested members of the gang gave their names as Ifeanyi Emeka,Chinonso Ugwu AKA Labista, Darlington Chukwuebuka, Nnaji Kelechi, Ebuka Nnaji AKA Shawolin, Maryanne Arum and Uzor MaryJane.

It was further gathered that the two female suspects usually cook for the cultist any time they want to embark on execution and importantly, lures their victim out to area of execution. The two ladies told reporters that they usually cook for the group as two of the cult men are their friends just as they have given more insight to the nefarious activities of the group within Abakpa and its environs. They have begging for forgiveness.

According to them, “we never knew how the operatives rounded us up as were eating our food at an

uncompleted building stated Labista known as Chinonso Ugwu”.
It could be recalled that the state command of the Nigeria Police Force through its operatives has been on regular raids of some places containing cult members.
Suspects are now helping the police in their investigations.

female cultist

Two cousins of President Jonathan reportedly kidnapped in Bayelsa

Two cousins of President Jonathan, Patience Egbeni and Kate Eni were kidnapped by 6 unidentified gunmen dressed in military uniform in Akimpelai, Ogbia LGA of Bayelsa State yesterday May 19th.

According to a source who spoke with The Nation, the women who are maternal cousins of President Jonathan were abducted at about 8.30am from their provision stores located along the riverbank.

“The victims are two maternal cousins of the President. We know that they have been preparing to welcome the President after the May 29 handover. Unless they are rescued before then, their dream of welcoming their brother will be a mirage.”the source said

Confirming the incident, the Bayelsa state Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO), Butswat Asinim, said the gunmen were dressed in military camouflage.

“The gunmen were dressed in military camouflage. They went to the provision stores of the victims at the riverside and abducted them into a waiting speedboat,” he said.

He said the marine and anti-kidnapping squad of the police, including the Joint Task Force (JTF), Operation Pulo Shield, had been contacted and are working towards their rescue.

Nigeria Governors’ Forum crisis ends; Zamfara Governor, Abdulaziz Yari, emerges new chair

Presiding Officer, Asishana Okauru, announcing the result of the controversial NGF election that divided the Forum in 2013

Governor Abdulaziz Yari of Zamfara state has emerged chairman of the Nigeria  Governors’ Forum, as exclusively projected by PREMIUM TIMES.

Mr.  Yari emerged at the end of the meeting of the Forum held at the Lagos/Osun  Hall of the Transcorp  Hilton Hotel,  Abuja, Nigeria’s capital.

The outgoing chairman of the body and Governor of Rivers State,  Rotimi  Amaechi, read the communique  of the meeting to journalists.

Mr. Amaechi said Mr.  Yari emerged chairman by consensus and would serve for a period of one year.

Mr. Yari was former deputy chairman of the Forum.

A new deputy chairman was however not elected at the meeting to replace him.

The Rivers Governor also said after over a year of bickering, the governors had now “reconciled  and are United as a single umbrella association  of the 36 state governors of Nigeria”.

Mr.  Amaechi also said in the light of the fact that funds in the Excess Crude Account were last disbursed in May 2013, “there is the need for the Minister of Finance and coordinating Minister for the economy Dr.  Ngozi  Okonjo -Iweala to provide explanation for accruals to this account from June 2013 to April 2015 which is estimated at over N20billion”.

The Rivers Governor added that induction programme for new and returning governors would be held in June 2015.

He said the induction is aimed at equipping new and returning governors with knowledge of global best practices of establishing and running their offices.

In addition,  Mr.  Amaechi said the Forum resolved at the meeting to set up a Governors’ Forum Academy to be called “The NGF Leadership Academy”  which will be responsible for capacity building of governors and other officials holding public office.

He said the academy would be overseen by the NGF secretariat.

Zamfara Governor, Abdulaziz Yari
Zamfara Governor, Abdulaziz Yari

About 20 governors, including some deputies, attended Monday’s meeting.

Monday’s meeting is the first time the state chief executives came together as a united body.

The Forum descended into crisis in May 2013 after the election of officials split the body into two.

At the election, held at the Rivers State Governors Lodge in Abuja, Mr. Amaechi defeated his Plateau state’s counterpart, Jonah Jang, by 19 votes to 16.

However, indications at the time suggested that the Presidency was pushing for the emergence of anyone but the Rivers governor as NGF chair because of the political differences between Mr. Amaechi and President Goodluck Jonathan and his wife, Patience.

After the election, Mr. Jang refused to accept defeat and formed a parallel NGF with his colleagues who voted for him.

As indication emerged Sunday that the Forum was uniting and electing a new leader, the Bayelsa state Governor, Seriake Dickson, circulated a statement demanding the postponement of the election.

His suggestion was however ignored, with the Niger state Governor, Babangida Aliyu, saying earlier on Monday that all governors had agreed to bury their differences, come together as a united body and move on

Abortion Clinic Busted For Selling Fetuses To Chinese Restaurant

Empire-News-Chinese-Resturant-Using-Aborted-Fetuses-In-Their-FoodSELLERSBURG, Indiana – A local Sellersburg establishment was shut down by police and health inspectors this week, after an investigation of the Beijing Chinese restaurant showed that they were purchasing aborted fetuses from the Sunbright Family Planning Clinic.

Police first became aware of the Beijing restaurant using human fetuses as part of their cuisine when several people were hospitalized after eating at the restaurant. Representatives from the Sellersburg Department of Health were called by doctors at Clark Memorial Hospital to investigate the conditions at Beijing, assuming improper food storage or preparations. The Department of Health was shocked at what they found.

“They had an entire walk-in refrigerator dedicated to unborn fetuses, all of them in different stages of dismemberment. It was clear they were using them as part of their recipes.” Said Brendan Kelly, department head for the Sellersburg D.O.H. “We immediately closed the restaurant, and contacted state officials.”

“We were contacted by the Department of Health, who informed us that a local abortion clinic may be selling discarded fetuses to the Beijing restaurant.” Said Captain Joseph Goldsmith of the Indiana State Police. “We moved in quickly on both establishments, making sure that we got a lock on all this as soon as possible.”

Along with the owners of the Beijing Restaurant, Soi Cha and Fo Shi, officials also arrested two men from the Sunbright Family Planning Clinic. Alex Coates and Ryan Wintson will be facing charges for their part in the theft and sale of the fetuses, which officials believe had been happening for years.

“Alex and Ryan were two members of our nighttime cleaning crew who’d worked for us for almost 6 years.” Said Doctor Thomas Telford of the Sunbright Clinic. “I am shocked that they could or would do something like this. Sickened and appalled.”

All four men will be facing charges in Sellersburg Superior Court. Cha and Shi, the purchasers of the unborn fetuses, are charged with assault and attempted manslaughter, because of the illnesses they caused in customers, as well as with the lesser charge of dismembering a corpse, which is a misdemeanor in the state of Indiana. Coates and Winston are being charged with theft and sale of human remains, theft of medical supplies and equipment, theft of medical waste, assault, and attempted manslaughter. Each are facing up to a 9 year sentence if convicted.

“This is without a doubt the most disturbing thing that’s happened in this town.” Said Kelly. “We never expected to come across something so dark and grotesque.”

Both Beijing and the Sunbright Clinic have been closed for investigation until further notice. Doctors at Sunbright Clinic say they were completely unaware that this was happening in their offices, and at the time of this writing, no charges were being filed against any of their medical staff.

LASTMA official beaten by workers in Ikorodu

This LASTMA official was beaten by workers in an area in Ikorodu today. According to the twitter user who shared the photos, the LASTMA official was trying to arrest a man who he said broke traffic rules, but the driver refused to stop and quickly drove into the premises of the company where he worked. The LASTMA official followed the driver into the premises, started an argument with him and his colleagues and they descended on him after he refused to leave. Other passers-by came to his rescue. More photos after the cut…